


We Don't Have To Dance[Andley]

by PrincipeAndy



Category: Black Veil Brides
Genre: Andy smoking at any chance he gets, Ashley really knows Andy loves him but wants Andy to admit it to him, Bottom Andy, Car Accidents, Fanfiction, M/M, Self Harm, also modern AU., andy can't admit his feelings to ashley, graphic car accident, mentally ill andy is mentally ill, this is super gay af
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 20:12:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9564506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincipeAndy/pseuds/PrincipeAndy
Summary: Social anxiety ridden, Andrew "Andy" Dennis Biersack could only bare certain activities throughout his life. School, home, music, and the occasional trip to the mall for work or with friends. With senior year approaching at light speed he begins to prepare himself for the struggle of crowded hallways, horrible school mates, and being dragged to parties by his friends. Although an unexpected twist happens when he notices Ashley Purdy in his music, science, and English class-a person who he never believed to see in any of his classes let alone sit near him since sixth grade in middle school. Trying to contain his massive crush on the estranged boy, Andy reverts back into his anxious self and tries to do anything to make sure Ashley doesn't notice. However, when he begins to give into his massive crush life seems to turn out better; though in the end how can life be worry free when your in the dark.





	1. The Wretched and Divine

There are perks of working retail, especially the most widely known store for selling band merch and pop culture relating: getting discounts on countless items. It's one reason why my mom questions the growing stacks of jeans, hoodies, and items relating to the fandom's I am in. However, those perks come along with complicated issues; by that the work space and the people. I can't fully understand myself why I choose retail when the store becomes packed with people, the air becomes humid, and I want to fully become one with the wall. But hey, discounts.

This week would be my last summer work schedule before school started on August 16th, causing it to go from Sunday's through Thursday to Wednesday through Saturday. It never helps my ending social anxiety. New schedules with different co-workers and customers whom occasionally make me forgot how to even function to where the manager on the schedule that week has to give me jobs such as tagging the sale items and what not. I find it to be an easier job then working the cash register.

Today I had been busy setting up the posters for our annual school sale that involves taking a book bag-or any bag I guess- and filling it with as much clothes and other items to get a discount. Honestly I don't know much about the sale even though I've put up signs for the past three years about it. Once I made sure the signs for the sale and the clearance items had been labeled I went to put down the tags behind the counter and leaned against letting a long sigh.

Jillian, whom worked here for five years, gave me a glance. "What's got you strung up on a hook know, Andy?"

"School; the fact I have to socialize and be dragged to another sweet filled party this year by my friends." My long, lanky fingers played with the hem of the grey colored sweeter I wore. I loathed telling anyone, especially my co-workers, about the social anxiety. They knew about the ADD since I had to fill out under any medical conditions on papers I had. It was such a pain.

"Dude, you're a senior in high school and eighteen as of this December." Jillian spoke, her light freckles standing out on the dark skin. "I've been out of high school for six years and finishing my masters, yet Andy one day you may go to a party at a club." I took account how she paused after saying club. "No, don't go to clubs or raves for that matter. Though, have a go at some parties with your friends. Live a little and explore what ya like and dislike." All I could do was give a nod taking in her words as she began to ring up a customer's purchase only leaving me lost in thoughts before taking up the job of reorganizing the clothes.

Before I knew it five o'clock had rolled around and boy I was ready to leave. Making sure I had gathered up my belongings I clocked out and walked into mall to find the right doors to the parking I parked in. Our mall had a spread out lot on both sides causing me to park at the furthest end or the other side of the mall causing me to walk through a Macy's department store to get to HotTopic towards the Sear's department store. Although I got lucky this morning at eight thirty and parked right outside an entrance by a Fusion restaurant the mall had. Unlocking the doors via the key fob I placed my bag and jacket in the backset before resting my forehead on the warm, leather steering wheel. It brought me comfort and relaxation after such a long day at work. Taking in a deep breath I sat up and pressed the button to start the car while hearing the AC turn on from when I parked this morning. After hearing it turn on to cool down the warm interior I took my phone out of my pocket to plug it into the charger cable I kept then grabbed a cigarette out of the open box that next to my phone. Once lighting it up and making sure every part of my car was in place I begin the lovely drive home.

I don't have a horrible life at home as people may think when they see how I dress. The only person who makes it's horrible is myself due to the fact I love to keep all my emotions inside to then be writing out in song. Also there is a fact in which I isolate myself unless the small group of friends I have makes plans. I, myself, am the only one that makes my life hell along with society. Not the best coping mechanism to have; however, music makes it all better.

Smoke rose from the cigarette as I tapped my fingers against my steering wheel waiting for the light to change to allow my turn. Rolling my blue eyes, I brought it up to my mouth taking a long drag only to blow the smoke out right as the light turned allowing me to turn onto the highway. Usually music would be blaring through my phone to my radio though I had no need to turn it on. Too much had been racing through my mind. Jillian's advice, school approaching, and just life in general. It all seemed to wrap up into thoughts of evil trying to corrupt the good ones I still have. Honestly I shouldn't be driving with these confusing thoughts, yet here I am. Driving with my own demons on the way home.

"Maybe this what it means when you drive with devil?" I mumbled to myself before releasing I said it wrong. "Wait, no it's dancing with the devil. What I'm thinking of is Jesus taking the wheel." A small smirk played on my face as I inhaled another drag of smoke heading to another exit ramp to get closer to home. "More like fear take the wheel."

After turning down countless streets and going through lights I finally made home only to park my car without making a move to get out just yet. My car was peaceful and quiet. It's one place where no one can harm me but myself. I have control over what I do in the car, control over if I could burn myself with one of the five lights I carried; to drive more than eighty miles per hour down this street to end life. They say if you leave a person with their own thoughts, dark times will happen which is exactly why I love sitting here. I could think of so much self-destructive habits, death and the dying, hell even murder. Silence and dark thoughts are to items that should never go together. Maybe that's why they say the quiet's one are always cable of murder.

Five minutes later of sitting in silence the Batman ringtone theme from The Dark Knight went off on my phone letting me know my mom saw my car parked in the driveway. Running my hand through my lion mane of hair I picked up the phone to text her that I would be in a few minutes after I made sure to pick up my wallet from the floor. An honest lie, yet I didn't have the heart to tell her I needed to make sure two packs of cigarettes were in my car and two in my bag. Not a good idea to tell any parent. Setting the phone down I reached behind into the back seat, grabbing the bag to take out two more packs-the one I smoked on the way home was my last one- for my car were as the ones in my bag were for when I go out places. Carefully placing them in their spot I grabbed my phone, the empty cigarette container, along with another one of my many lighters, because I loss them all the time, and took my good old time getting out of my car to the house.

Kicking the door shut on the car I had my long, gazelle lead me into the house that would be my ultimate comfort before school started in the next three days. Thinking about made me want to commit. Not that I would though. I don't I could do that to any of the people I know and love. Fuck the guys would try to find me and beat the living shit of my body while crying their eyes out. Just because the thoughts are there at times I would never go through with it. Too much pain is caused from that. You learn too late that the problems you're facing can be changed and helped.

Jabbing the house key in the door I unlocked the door to only drop my jacket on the foyer floor without a care in the world. The jacket would be fine even though it's my favorite. The floor won't harm it.

"Andy?" My mom's voice called from the kitchen behind the wall splitting it the living room.

Wiggling my feet out of my slip on vans I rolled my head. "Yes mom. I'm inside the house." When the right shoe flew off my foot I took a stumble backwards almost falling completely down on my ass. What a wonderful way to the start the evening home. I thought growling at inner me.

Her footsteps on the wooden floor caught my ears attention to see her standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen with a soft smile on her face. "I'm so glad your home hun. Your dad won't be home until eight. Well eight thirty depending on traffic."

"So it's just me for two hours?"

"One hour. Your cousin Joe called and said he might come over." She spoke heading back into the kitchen only for me to follow her. "Jake called to saying he's stopping by. Something about getting your guitar."

I felt my entire demur changed. One, I completed forgot about Jake coming over to get the guitar. It needed new pickups and strings. Plus he wanted to try my bass guitar for kicks. As for Joe, I didn't mind him coming over. I loved hanging out with my cousin. However time by myself until dad got home would be lovely.

Ruffling my hair then crossing my arms over my chest I walked further into the kitchen to search for food when I realized mom only me they be over in an hour or so. Still searching for any type of easy snack food without having to cook it I spoke out. "Did either of them tell you when they'd get here?"

Her shuffling stopped from either putting away dishes or cooking dinner to ponder on the question. "You know," she started, "I believe Jake said around six thirty and Joe...Joe just said he be around."

A loud sigh escaped my mouth only to have my mom tell me not to sigh so loud. This only made me roll my eyes and grab an entire box of Lucky Charms out of the pantry not even bothering to go over and grab a bowl. Taking the box I began to make my way towards the doorway only to be halted by mom's small "humph" of questioning.

"Are you seriously going to take the whole box?"

Craning my head around I slowly nodded.

"Are we out of Skippy? Did you eat it all again without telling me?"

I slowly nodded my head again sucking on my bottom lip trying to give the "I'm a completely innocent young adult" hiding the "I have three empty jars in my room that probably have mold in them by now" expression to her.

She sighed shaking her head. "Throw the box when you finish it and I'll call you down when Jake or Joe shows up."

I smiled while nodding walking out the doorway to swing by the living room where I dropped my bag to then head up the stairs to my room.

Swinging the poster covered door open then closing it, I threw the box of Lucky Charms on my bed with my bag before stripping my shift off my body to only fall onto my bed with a large relaxing sigh. It felt wonderful to be home, in my dark, poster covered bedroom where I can be myself and let my demons come to play.

"Made it through another week and summer Andrew," I spoke to myself while focusing on my ceiling, "Just have to make it three more days until school." The word school had venom laced within it. If I could've graduated last year my only problem would be finding my way into the music industry. Not like that's a pain in ass itself.

Bouncing to sit up I literally shoved my hand into the box of cereal and shoved a handful into my mouth with a smile. I loved sugary food, even though I eat healthy a lot. Which is surprising since I'm very skinny even at the height and age I am. I don't care as long as I don't get sickly thin is when I know there is a problem.

Shoving another handful in my mouth I realized I had nothing to do for an hour or so. "Well," I said to myself out loud. "talk about having a party. Am I right Batman?" I then turned my gaze to my Dark Knight poster behind my TV before repositioning myself to lean back against my pillows with the lucky charm box in hand and bag next to me for when I decided to smoke.

Jake came over around six thirty just as said and hung out until seven when his father texted him saying he needed to head home. He told me he would be able to give me back the guitar once the pickups come in next weekend since they got placed on back order. I told him that it is fine, not as if I was in any hurry with it. Before I could even think of any instrumental music to put behind my songs I wrote them all out. Jake also took my bass I barely used home with him, saying he knew someone who needed to borrow one while theirs's got fix. I told him it was fine. Once he left, my dad came home an hour later and three us—mom, dad, and I—ate dinner before I forced them again to watch all three Christopher Nolan Batman movies again. Batman was my favorite super hero. Sometimes we watched Star Wars or Harry Potter, though I don't favor watching the Harry Potter series as much as the other person that's for sure.

I begin to get tired halfway through The Dark Knight, though mainly when Harvey Dent and his girlfriend, Rachel Dawes gets kidnapped by the Joker's goons. Dad told me to sleep since he knew I had a long after my last regular summer work day. After wishing them both goodnight I headed up to my room without even changing into some comfortable pants. At times I would sleep naked through the summer if the heat got the best of me; although, today got the best of me and I didn't want to undress even more after taking my shirt off hours ago. Walking over to my desk I grabbed my beat up green song notebook along with my other two that contained future songs to be written.

Switching on the bedside light I opened the black notebook to a page in the middle that had a few lyrics written on it. Next I reached to grab one of the new boxes of cigarettes I bought this morning. Lighting on up in my mouth I took a long drag with a smile on my face as I began to write down more lyrics.

"I am the innocent, I am what could have been," I song softly to myself as I gracefully laid the words down until I realized halfway until the line that started "here lies hysteria, a land were chaos reigns," I had no title yet for the song. Pursing my lips with the cigarette inside I inhaled more and tapped my pen against the notebook.

"What would describe a person, someone like me, who is innocent and damaged?" I spoke out loud to myself only to write down lyrics to then be scratched out. Listen, writing songs from your heart and life may seem easy though it's a painful process of getting the words you want correctly.

Once I got through three more of the sticks of death and started my fourth one I had no idea what to put after the line "a world of hate awaits, we are the wilds ones they don't look the same the time has come." My eyes hurt from staying up later than I wanted. So did my hand from holding the pen to long.

"Come on Biersack, you have to think of something." I spoke to myself then begin to sing the song more in head until a strange, almost morbid thought came to my mind. Taking the pen I wrote down the lyrics I already wrote onto a new page and smiled to myself as the new line came into place naming the song.

"I'm the Chosen, Wretched and Divine." My smile grew larger at those words. They fit so perfectly for someone damaged and innocent at the same time. I figured this would be its titled. A person can still be innocent and broken, a twisted and holy soul in one person. I titled the song in the best font I could Wretched and Divine and taped a stickie note onto the page so I would know where to start up again some point soon.

Stubbing out the burned out cigarette in my ash tray I placed the notebook and pen on my bedside table before laying down with a smile that could hide so many fears from the world. And only one thought that could come to my mind that kept that smile going until the night before school started.

"I am Andy Biersack, the Prophet, the Chosen; the Wretched and Divine."


	2. We Don't Belong

School is ultimately disgusting. Nowhere in the world could school be enjoyable, well maybe in the Nordic countries, otherwise school was hell. Everyone always tell people you can make school fun while hanging out and getting involved in activates though that does not work for everyone. Especially me and the guys. We've remained friends through the horrid years of middle school until our now senior year of high school even after all the obstacles thrown at us. However, one person stuck out in our group and school. Ashley Purdy. My massive crush since I saw him in sixth grade way back in middle school.

Ashley wasn't exactly in our group though he was through me and Jinxx. See, Jinxx and Ashley had the same math class all the way from freshmen year to now where as Ashley and I had all the same English together. So occasionally if all five of us had a class or more together, we all sat by each other despite having seating charts. It was a struggle to get through any class without staring into his brown eyes. Once I went an entire class period doing an essay staring at him. Truth be told it got very creepy since I believe he knows about my crush on him; although, he would never go for a person with social anxiety and other self-destructive habits.

Right now I was not even on the road heading to school. I sat in my car in the driveway with a to be lit cigarette resting between my lips to calm down my nerves. Of course as I brought the lighter up to the stick, the electronic dash board rang with CC's name flashing on it. Sighing while lighting it up I pressed the button on the steering wheel to accept the call.

"Andy, are you there?"

I took a drag and answered, "Yeah I am here. What's up?"

On the other end I could a static movement. "Getting dressed." Gee, thanks' C. "And waiting to hear back from Jake."

I flicked some ashes out my window and begin back up. "Please tell you didn't fuck up your car?" The silence on the end beside the static of movement confirmed my answer. "Jesus Christ, CC. Why didn't you text this morning at five? I've been up three. I could swung by earlier."

He huffed and replied back. "Jack lives closer. Plus, I would make us both late-"

"What happened to your car?" I cut him off.

"Some dumbass ran into it while backing up from their driveway. Didn't see the red car sitting at the curb behind them. Side is completely dented. Can't even open the door."

I sighed flicking more ashes out my window before taking another drag and turned down the street to head onto the freeway enter ramp. "Still," I paused, "call me tomorrow morning and I'll pick you up. It's not much of a hassle." Since I probably won't get sleep anyway.

"Thanks Andy." He replied with a smile possibly on his face. "I'll see you at school dude."

A smile graced my lips. "You're welcome C. See you soon." After that he hung up and I laughed throwing out the now dead cig out the car window before placing on hand on the wheel carefully and gracefully taking out another lighting it. I still had another ten minutes, scratch that-fifteen minutes since I decided to head to McDonald's off another exit to get breakfast before school. The only part of McDonald's they could make their breakfast more enjoyable would be adding alcohol to their menu. Alcohol in coffee is pretty darn amazing.

Once I took my twenty-minute detour to McDonald's it took me another five minutes to get to school which I thankfully was one of the first people there beside teachers and other cars I recognized as fellow students. I didn't care if I smelled of smoke, people freaked out about the smell more than they did the smell of weed. Not that I care about either smell, though at times it over bearing then cigarette smoke. Lifting the glove box open I shoved the boxes of cigarettes inside there with the lights in case any teachers-not that they care- see them while out in the parking lot during their job. Softly smiling with having my car in place I grabbed my bookbag, had phone in pocket, and bag of breakfast while getting out and locking the car walking up to the back door into the school. By the time I got up to the door the teacher on duty, whom seemed as unhappy as I about being here, just nodded to me as I walked in.

So much for a great start in the year. I thought to myself heading to the music department. That's where we would all meet in the morning before heading to our lovely home rooms. None of us really share a homeroom together, except Jake and Ashley due to their last names starting with the letter P. They rest of us are alone in home rooms we hate. At times CC has tried to changed his last name to Coma in the school system since it would get hime into my home room. One time sophomore year he tried to change it to Ferguson. Probably the most dumb fucking plans I've ever heard of. Jinxx hit him with his own drumstick and called him a dumbass that day during his fourth period orchestra class. We've all done some fucked up shit here and there. I still don't know how we have not gotten expelled yet from what we did last year at prom by crashing it and literally performing a few songs I covered and wrote. Shrugging my shoulders from that thought, I opened the door to the music department to see the teachers arriving at the same time and getting whatever papers they need today.

Taking a seat on a bench by the band directors office, I begin to eat my breakfast as everyone else arrived and found their friends to talk with about how much they either dreaded coming back or how happy they are. It amazed me how some can be so happy about school.

Scoffing and eating I saw two people out of the corner of my eye I know walk in with their long black hair. Jake and CC. Thank God they were here early.

Jake turned his head and saw me with a smile on his face. "Andy, dude! It's so good to see a familiar face this morning. Beside CC." I laughed as he said that and CC hitting his shoulder in a joking matter.

"Hey Jake and CC. And yes, it's lovely to see your faces too. I was worried you'd be late today."

CC pulled up one the chairs next to the bench. "We were going to be late today. Jake wanted to go get-"

"Don't you mean, you wanted to get breakfast?" Jake spoke up moving my bookbag and sitting next to me.

"Okay fine, I wanted to go and get food. But Jake wouldn't let me." CC said fishing his phone out of his pocket.

I bit my lip from laughing watching Jake make an annoyed face he would give his dogs. "Last time we did, we missed first period because you wanted Denny's."

"Hey! It's Andy fault for not getting me food that one morning."

I stared him with an expression of "What do you mean my fault?" before reaching into the bag of food I got and tossed him an egg McMuffin. He smiled with one his iconic ones.

"Thanks Andy. Again. I you one once I get my car fixed." He said taking a bite out of it while I sipped on my coffee.

Next to me, I felt Jake's phone buzz in his pocket only to see Jinxx's name on the notification for a text message. I didn't say anything though since it meant either he was in the parking lot or one his way. With it being only seven ten he still had enough time to come in the music department and hang with us. Sometimes we worried we wouldn't get to see each other in the morning due it being one time we can catch on up copying homework or notes in case we miss a class or a day. Having the same teachers for classes is a wonderful time in high school.

By the time bell for our thirty five minutes of home room before the day actually stared, Jinxx never showed up causing the three of us to believe he left late and got side tracked. Or he woke up at the time he texted us. He's not as CC. One time CC came to school literally in the middle of fifth period because he some how lost track of time. We still don't know if he was either hungover or high. Actually we'll never know. Walking out as a group, we entered the crowd of a hundred or so kids from the gym who wanted nothing else to do but go home. Some wanted to be here which seemed an odd, but for some people school is their safe place so I can't honestly blame them. I felt Jake's arm grab on my hand pulling my behind him and CC who were trying their best to get away from the moving heard of slow people. No one knows how to walk in this school. I wonder if a fire ever happens we'd all die because people don't know how to walk through hall ways.

"So, do you think this school year will go without a hitch?"

"Nah," I heard CC reply to Jake's question. I wasn't really paying attention, just letting Jake drag me along. "We all know some dumbass will pull something. Or the school could decide to fuck up everything for us. Like they always do."

He had a point there. Our school fucked us over time after time by telling us they would help us and never do.

I came to a halt from Jake as he let go of my hand. I stared at him with confusing.

"This is where we part ways boys. I'll see you two hopefully fifth period. See ya!" He said walking away down the hall to get to his homeroom with Ashley. Lucky bastard.

I felt CC pat my back before he headed off leaving me the only to head off to my room on the third floor of the school, all alone.

Homeroom, to sum it up, was the most boring and horrifying experience I had all four years. Everyone had someone to talk to about their summer or their plans for what to do this week after school. I had no one to talk to beside getting some taunts from the few debate kids in my class. The rich ones. Whose parents could buy anything, get the best tutors for them to pass classes and tests, and even get into the best colleges. I didn't hate them, yet there is a fine line between hate and dislike that's for sure. Once our teacher-who taught chemistry- gave us our schedules and told us the same old rules as last year I sat there in my desk texting the guys in the group chat talking about our schedules. Ashley and Jake had math together again, while Jinxx had almost an entire day of music classes, CC and I shared math, and we all had the same English and history together. Sometimes things never change.

"Hey there Andrew," I heard the voice of Nick who was one of the captains on the speech team speak to me from behind. Out of all people in the world, out of all people in our homeroom, he's the one who hates me the most next to Alex, the co-captain on the debate team. "What, are you not going to reply? This is our last year together, might as well try to amends, right?" I could hear his smirk with that small laugh he gave out at the end of the sentence.

Once again I didn't reply only to cause him to lean in closer to my face near my face. "You know Andrew, you might want to watch out when we get our lockers next week. And make sure next time you sit in front of me during our homerooms on Wednesday, don't let your growing lion mane get on my desk." I kept staring ahead at these comments. I couldn't let him get to me on the first day of school. "Plus, if you want to continue to be your outcast self, make sure your two little scars on your arms are shown. Then people will question more about you then they already do." With that last comment, I had try my ultimate best to contain the growing fear of anxiety coming on along with the fact I still have months of sitting in front of him before May. Once I could hear him and Alex speaking to each other about their lovely summers and plans for upcoming speech and debate practices, I plugged in my earbuds to keep both the thoughts and their voices from my mind. I still had fifteen minutes left until the bell will ring. I could only hope it went by fast.

A rejoiced smile appeared on my face when the bell ring singling first period meaning I wouldn't have to be around Nick and Alex. I got out of my seat, collecting all my items and heading to first period AP Government that thankfully all of us had together. Otherwise none of us would survive that class not together. Especially me. My social anxiety would turn me into a pile of ashes that would then again proceed to burn from being lit again. One time I believed I was on fire because of how horrible it got one day. Turns out after that I found out I got strep throat and had a fever so high I had to be hospitalized. Not a good month freshmen year. Entering the classroom, I noticed Ashley and Jake sitting near the desk towards the smart board all teachers had which only allowed a smile and blush to appear on my pale skin. Walking over I sat right next to Ashley in the seat closest to the wall. Truth to be told it was right against the wall, but whatever. Letting my bag hit the floor I took my coffee cup out of the side pocket of the bag and opened to drink my coffee that was drowned in creamer.

"Thank you for the 'Hi Ashley, Jake' Andy. Really appreciate it." Jake spoke jokingly to only be flipped off by me causing Ashley to laugh into his hand.

Resting the cup on my thigh I rolled my eyes deciding this was the perfect time for my horrible British accent. "Oh good morning Ashley and Jake. How are you two on this lovely, morning for school?"

"Andy it's way to early for that this morning." Jinxx spoke while sitting behind me causing me to smirk. He hated when I did that accent. "And it does not fit your deep voice." I held my hand up to my chest and gave a faked shocked expression to which the others laughed including CC who walked in the door behind another group of kids chatting. I don't know why I call my classmates kids. Maybe it's because they are kids in away.

We watched him sit behind Jake to stare me with a look of 'why do you have to do that' before leaning back in the seat. Ever since we've been toddlers CC hated when I tried to speak in other voices. The guys hated it too, though Ashley seemed to love it? Which made me all confused and fuzzy inside.

After the bell rang, everyone started to talk to their friends causing all five us to sit in our seats not wanting to talk beside texting. I drank my coffee staring the group chat lost in thought. All I had to do was make it through today without letting my anxiety or depression get to me. Even Ashley. I seriously got love sick around him. Once the teacher introduced himself and took roll call, asking what others name we got call, and giving out all the necessary papers, the rest of class went by with CC, Jake, and Jinx talking about some type of game where Ashley and I sat in their awkward silence waiting to talk to each other. If there had been sexual tension in this situation every person in this class room-scratch that-school would notice. That's when I would end my life here and now.

Hearing a small cough next to me I lifted my blue gaze up to meet brown ones. "So Andy, what plans do you have for this year?"

"Uh, honestly I don't know." I truthfully didn't know other than surviving the year. Graduating is always the number one priority on everyone's list. So I have to items on my list for this year, graduating and surviving. Not a large list of goals if you ask me.

"I could say the same line, but I have a few goals set out to achieve by the end of year. One of them is asking that certain someone out." I nearly choked on air at his words while he stared at me with a smirk. This boy would be the death of me for sure.

"W-Who would be your certain-" Right before I could finish my question the bell for second period cut me off causing all the guys to stand up. Sighing I stood up and collected myself only to never get a reply out of Ashley since he rushed out of class. Ashley Purdy, you will be the death of me for sure. Had been my only thought as the rest of us left to continue on our lovely morning.

Through out the rest of the day school seemed to be going pretty good for a person like me who does not belong anywhere beside the music department. I never belonged here though. If my friends were not here with me, I would have been dead freshmen year when I first thought of it. My way of leaving the world was to drown a bottle of my social anxiety medication, then die from blood loss. The plan was morbid, and heart breaking that would leave a hole in more chest than mine. It's why I never committed any such as that. Too many friends would take notice along with my parents. It felt horrible not belonging anywhere when you have all this love around you to keep yourself from destroying yourself. Those were the feelings I hated.

By the time I got to my car at the end of day after hanging around with the others in the parking lot I felt completely drained and urging for a cigarette and food. Especially some fine Thai food from that new place that opened downtown. I had a love for various Asian food. Each country had it's unique flavor of food that never tasted the same depending on what part of the country you were in. I laughed at myself for knowing this since I've never traveled outside the North American Continent. Once on the rode traveling to downtown I went through two cigs while having my Spotify playlist blare music through my car drowning out my raging thoughts. Which was not doing it's job. For one I couldn't not get Ashley's sentence out of my mind from this morning, nor the one he told me during English class. None of it made any sense. I knew my feelings for him were a major problem. I still could not face him. My parents wondered when I would ever man up and confess to him I'd love him. I've told them that day would be when I died. I may or may not have been joking either.

After twenty minutes trying to get my way downtown due to traffic being backed up from some people getting out of work, I managed to get my food and drive back home only to find my dad's in the drive way meaning he was home and mom at work. This can only go on way: being asked how today was and if I finally confessed my love for Ashley.

Opening the door to the house I saw dad sitting on the couch watching some type of TV show that I could care less about it. Walking further into the living room I sat down next to him with my bag on the floor by feet and the food next to me on the couch. He didn't even acknowledge me at all so I let out a sigh and leaned closer to him only for him to still stay focused on whatever day time TV show he watched. Placing the bag of food on the floor I leaned over my entire body as I used to do when I had been little and placed my head on his lap.

"Are you going to ask me how my lovely first day of school was dad?" I questioned while pushing my long growing hair out of my face.

"I thought you said this morning you didn't want to talk about the first day of school." He spoke still focused on the TV.

Sitting up I decided to sit crossed legged this time. "I was joking because I hoped neither you or mom would bring it up."

This time he looked at me. "Bring up school or bring up Ashley?"

"Mainly Ashley. But listen, school went great except for-"

"Ashley and you having the strange tension between each other and how your homeroom is filled with horrible kids who we called the school on once?" Boy dad, what a marvelous way to sum up my life and first day of school.

Blinking and licking my lip ring I stared at him, "Uh, yes? Okay, but dad I can't just admit to Ashley I love him. Hell, speaking to him makes me want to melt under his voice and eyes. I just don't want him to think of me as-" I stopped there trying not to go into a dark place in front of my dad. I hated becoming vulnerable in front of anyone. Especially my parents and the guys. My parents have seen my at my lowest points, but the guys truly haven't.

I felt my dad's stare on me. "You don't want him to see you at your lowest as both me and your mom have?" I gave a small nod just to only lean myself into the couch. See, my parents are honestly my voice of wisdom throughout life. As I've said, they've seen me at my lowest points in life especially freshmen and sophomore year. They've witnessed what Nick had spoken out to me during an intermission between our schools Christmas-holiday concert only to see me hold back tears trying to play accompanying piano piece for one of the chorus pieces on the second half. The worst part, my pained face with traces of eyeliner in tear lines had been plastered on video that everyone can see during the performance. That had been the first time my parents fully saw the bully. I never wanted that to happen. To see their only child not feel as if they belong at school. Especially in a place full of people who enjoyed music. It had been etched in my mind forever.

"Andy," I allowed my eyes to stare into his as he spoke again, "Ashley will love you for you whether you have a low point or feeling as if you are high on crack. The point is, you have to face this one day. In which me and your mom will be here when that day comes." He brought me into a hug to which I wrapped mine arms around him just allowing myself to realize that he was right. I would have to face this problem one day. Though, only one thought was on my mind. How could Ashley love someone who does not belong anywhere?


	3. The Void

I bit my lip folding t-shirts to put on the racks in the correct order per the ones behind their plastic cover on the wall above. Today did not start out as a good day ever since last night after my therapy and school today. Therapy to say the least, had been a struggle. It had always been a struggle to get through it even though I admire my therapist. She had been, after all, formally in my place once at age twenty and now in her mid-thirties a state awarded youth-young adult therapist for people dealing with any type of situation as me. She would wait patiently if a client struggled to get out words, would take yelling from anger filled ones, and even understand the broken people like me. The broken ones who don't know their full roots to their problems. The broken ones who only know what made that root explode into self-destructive habits and mental illness. The conversation we had last night didn't help my mood from what occurred at school, no matter how much I tried to let it go from my mind.

"How are you doing today, Andy?" She questioned sliding the ashtray she kept in her office for me and others who smoked while the talked to her. I sat there across from her on a couch you would find in those studio apartment photos. My legs were folded underneath me wanting to speak, yet not finding any words to speak of. I knew my social anxiety loved to fuck up when I got inside this office space. Almost to test my abilities. "You can smoke if you want Andy. I don't care, your parents won't be told, and I know it'll calm your nerves." My hands shakily gripped on the paper box of Marlboro's, sliding the lid open to carefully pick out to place between my lips and light it up to only place the box on the table. A soft smile of sympathy graced her face.

"I have been doing..alright. School has not been-" I paused wanting to speak further yet once again could not find any words.

"School has been?"

"Hell, but it's slowly getting better." My voice shakily spoke while taking in a long drag of the cigarette as I watched her write notes down on the pad.

She stared at me urging me to continue. "I've been uh getting closer towards my crush."

"Have you spoken to him fully though? This is process Andy."

The next words I would say got her hopes down. "No. We haven't fully spoken more than a few lines here and there to each other." It had been true. Three weeks into school, sitting next to each other, we haven't spoken that much at all. Ashley did tease me though with his smirks and small comments about my appearance for that had been it. Though she can find that out next session.

Twenty minutes and three cigarettes into the session, she decided to drop the topic on school to only talk about one I dreaded about every time we saw each other once a week: self-destructive habits. This had been hurdle I've never came to face. I knew that I did them from time to time and I would never fully be able to admit them to myself. I still wonder if I'll ever go through with my suicide plan at some point in the future.

"Now Andy, I know you hate this part of every session we have. I can see it in your body language, speech structure, and eyes. I know how hard this for you, but we have to go through it." She spoke with worry for me as I knew she did with others. It is why she helped people. "We can start off slowly with the simple questions I would ask at our first session."

I nodded letting my forth cigarette hang from my fingers as my body curled into itself. "How much pain are you feeling inside?"

"6."

"How hard is it get out of bed each morning."

"0." The scribbling of words could be written down since that number had been improvement apparently.

"What number would you rate the temptation to starve yourself from any type of food or liquid?"

I felt stumped on this question. "Um, I guess, four and half? I've made sure to write down the number of calories I've taken in as you said in June." A cloud of smoke exhaled from my throat. "I have eaten nearly the correct number of calories I need. However at times I still want to eat less then 1000 if I'm at a low point."

She wrote down exactly what I have said while adding some notes here and there. She loved to hear I had been improving my eating habits over the last two months and four years we've been working together on it. To me that had been on destructive I felt some control over.

When her pen finishing writing, and she stared me on the edge of her seat I knew what question was coming up. The question that made me want to break down every time asked.

"You hate this question every time, though every time I have to ask. Have you self-harmed in the last month, weeks, or days."

"N-no." My voice came out quite and broken, scared to admit I cut myself out of impulse in the beginning of August. That event had been a fuzzy blur in my mind making me wonder why I had done it. To feel some other type of pain? To feel relief from pain? I'll never know even if I'd ever admitted it to myself. "I'I had wanted to after the first week of school. Though I couldn't bring myself to take apart my razor. Which is funny that I even have a razor because I don't grow facial hair." I spoke out fast enough to where my words slurred together in parts. Lost in my own thoughts I never notice her walk over towards the couch to sit closer to me.

"I don't think I could bear witness to seeing my parents worry again over their son bleeding from his arm or-or seeing my friends worry themselves for my own mental state when they have their own problems." Brushing my hair from my face I took an inhale of the cigarette only to find it now dead and threw it in the ashtray filled the other buds. My breath came out broken between possible sobs that came out of my chest. An arm wrapped itself around my body that appeared to be curling into itself.

"Andy, listen to me. Andy." Her voice came out stern causing me to stare up at her with a face of fear. "Do you know that when I sat in your very same situation years ago, I had been told that even in the darkest hours we have, we have the strength to save ourselves." I nodded leaning into her comforting touch that made me feel protected even. "Over the years I've known you, I've seen improvement and I see that you in. You're fighting it. I just need to remember that in even the darkest hours, when you're feeling as if the world is a gun wanting to shoot you or in turn you are the gun-you have the power to control it. People and society can wound you, but the greatest enemy against you is yourself."

"Your greatest enemy against you is yourself," I spoke out folding the clothes, "I'll never admit that to myself at Dr. Yorkon."

"Stressful therapy session again, hun?" Jillian spoke out causing me to grip onto the shirt I had been in the middle of folding to stare back at her.

"Jesus fucking Christ women." I ran my hand through my hair placing down the shirt. "Do you ever make a sound?"

She winked towards me with a giggle. "Only in bed." I tried not to think of that image or sounds. "I heard you go to Dr. Jill Yurkon from your small conversation with yourself. Isn't she the best in the state?"

I nodded towards her. "She came to my college once. Talk through my psychology and physiology class. Must say she is a very smart woman. Did you by any chance talk about Ashley?"

A groaned escaped me. "No Jillian we talked about my crush on my house plant, Ashley. Of course, we talked about Ashley." Taking the stake of folded shirts, I placed them in their correct spot grabbing the next collection of shirts to fold and place. I just love my job.

Jillian leaned next me, I noticed how her freckles were highlighted now or I never noticed how the made her appear younger and the variation of color they appeared in contrast to her skin. If I never had my crush on Ashley along with a girl who thought I dated her for a month in middle school; I'd date Jillian. "I swear Andy, I see as a little brother who is exactly like my half cousin. She adored this popular boy who got the best grades, member of the science and math team, and a star soccer player. You know what she did?"

No, not really Jillian. Please go on after that rhetorical question. I contained myself with a smile.

"She never told him once. Not throughout any event or hang out they were at. In fact neither of them spoke to each other until their senior dinner dance. They're married now, but god damn it Andy." She spoke allowing her voice to show the traces of concern and sympathy for me. Her eyes showed it even more. "Watching my half cousin go through that, watching you go this makes me worry for you and what all these bottled-up emotions are doing."

Not as if I've heard that before. "Jillian you know I can't just admit anything to anyone. Even you who I've known for three years? And if I could tell you I don't know how it would be."

She searched around the store, realizing no customers wander in or even through yet making us safe to talk. "Listen, I know you don't want to admit, yet what don't you want to admit at all?"

"The fact that I tend to hate myself. The fact that I feel as a disappoint towards my friends and family." Four shirts were stacked and automatically I started on the fifth one. Not truly paying attention to the world around. "And I am too afraid to admit to Ashley that I— "

"What are you too afraid of admitting to me?" I instantly gasped quickly turning my body around to see Ashley standing behind me smirk on face holding an ice coffee from Starbucks and a bag from Journey's around his wrist. I swear to God Jillian just had been behind me while I kept folding the shirts. Of course, though when I let my eyes wander from Ashley to search the store I found her back at the cash register. Does that women ever make noise when she walks?

Snapping myself from that I stared back at Ashley who wanted me to answer his question. I still couldn't though. I would never be able to admit. Even in death. "I, uh, I just wanted to say that I like your tattoos. The three starts. I went to one of your football games once last year and noticed them."

He smiled slyly almost knowing I was not admitting the whole truth. "Thank you. I got them right before we had started the season. Let's just say after a few more tattoos the couch had to just roll with it. I'm surprised you noticed them now since they are nearly covered." My head nodded while his lips-they had slight lip gloss on them since I at times where it also-sipped on the star. "Anyway I wanted to know if you have by a chance got a package delivered here at the store? I tried to order some items to my house but it kept telling me on my account I couldn't."

If you honestly believed I tempered with an order I didn't because one that is against the law. Though I do know recently that certain online orders won't to deliver to houses. More so as our city's fucking post office is doing whacky shit with its staff. Explains why I get home to see our neighbors mail with ours. Good job government.

"Oh yeah that. It came in yesterday. I kept it towards the front of our stock room." We had a stock room filled with all the extra hangers, tags, display items, and even certain merchandise. I created an area in it to keep the packages we get here. Personally, I hated keeping them up front behind the counter. "I'll go get it. Also, how many items did you order that box is huge."

As I walked towards he laughed slightly before heading over to stare at whatever else this fine store had. Walking past our two changing stalls and into the door with a sign that read "Employees Only" I saw the mail order stand I created with a large box on the bottom shelve. Bending down and grabbing it I walked back out with troubling opening the door. After opening it I came out with the box in hands I noticed Ashley's long hair, shaved on the side slightly, while he stayed kneeling on the floor searching through various band shirts. Trying to contain myself and the burning blush creeping onto my face I walked over him taping him on the back with my foot.

His face turned disgruntled then stared up at me with relief. Standing up with a half empty Starbucks and bag in hand he smiled at me or the box. "Thank you so much Andy. Seriously."

"Nah," I blushed more wildly moving the box to hide my growing smile and blush. "I just make sure to keep check with packages we get. Do you want me to put this in bags? Because I doubt you can carry this to your car?"

"Would you? That sounds wonderful." We walked to the counter to which I hoisted the box up and took out my pocket knife I carried. Puncturing the tape, I slid the blade across than on the sides where they folded the tape over. Popping it open I took out each item placing them on the counter. Shirts, skinny jeans, belts, bracelets, and beanie hats. Talk about having a wonderful taste in fashion and being sexy as fuck.

Ashley sheepishly smiled at all his items. "I completely overspend when shopping. My grandparents hate it. Though I love cloths, and music." My heart almost ripped from my ribcage when he paused after the word clothes. I will never understand what this boy does to me. Flinging open a bag I began to put the cloths in trying to ignore his brown eyes boring into my blue ones.

"Hey, you want to hang out after your shift even though it is a school night? After not fully getting to know you for the past six years of school I feel as if I owe you for that." Wait, wait, wait. I am hearing this correctly? He wants to get to know me? More importantly hang out? Is the world ending? Has Hell froze over? Is Crow going to survive the end of the world in the house without me?

Just say yes Andrew. Just say yes. "Hell yeah I'd love to hang out with you." Instead of saying a simple yes I spoke out those words so fast causing him to arch an eyebrow along with Jillian and Alex-another co-worker of mine-to stare at me making my bite my lip ring. "I mean, I'd love to totally hang out with you. I get done at seven which is only ten minutes away?"

He grabbed the two large HotTopic bags I set on the counter for him. "Sweet. I'll wait in the food court. Thanks again Andy. See you in ten to fifteen minutes." He smiled once again before walking off, still half empty Starbucks in hand with three bags making me nearly collapse against the counter.

Jillian and Alex stared at me. "You are so in love with him, aren't you?"

I managed to mechanically nod staring at were Ashley had once been in front of me nearly a minute ago. Fifteen more minutes until we hang out together. Utterly and completely together alone without anyone else around me. Just murder me now.

After those fifteen minutes were up I waved off to Jillian and Alex walking towards the food court, bag in hand with leather jacket draped over my arm. Here is the one problem Ashley never once told me where he would be sitting. Great. What a great idea Andrew. Say yes to hang out with someone who never told you where they would sit. Instantly as I thought that my phone started to vibrate in my back pocket to which I reached it and saw Ashley's number on my screen with a text that read 'By the Dairy Queen sitting towards the front.' Raising an eyebrow in agreement I began to walk towards the Dairy Queen to see a teenage boy with long hair, three bags, and another Starbucks while he sat playing with his phone.

Containing myself again I walked over pulling out the metal chair that scrapped the floor causing him to stare up with brown eyes. "Oh hey. I began to wonder when you would get here. Thought you might have left."

"I would never miss a chance to hang out with you Ashley." Fucking Christ I need to control myself. I sound more like those old-time Cancan girls who sat in the Salons waiting for their cowboys to come back. Well. Shit. I am the Cancan girl and Ashley's the cowboy. Not that I mind at all.

He smiled again. "I knew you wouldn't." He spoke once again making my heart leap out of my ribcage. If emotions could speak mine would be screaming its lungs out.

We sat there for five minutes staring at each other, listening to the sounds around us and trying not to make the situation awkward. None of this gave my anxiety a break. I felt so out place for doing this. Yet I had to. This is a giant step for me. Squirming in the chair I gave out a fake cough causing both of us to acknowledge each other. Here goes nothing. "So where do you want to hang out? I have my car in the parking lot, so?"

"If you want we could go to my house after taking your car home. Only if you want to."

Hell fucking yeah I want to. "I'm totally fine with that. Do you know what my house looks like or even is?"

He took a sip of his coffee. "I could follow you. I think once in CC's car, well when he had his car working, I've seen it from the outside."

We seemed to have an agreement. "Alright. Let's do this then."

The atmosphere around us felt intense as we walked out of the mall. My anxiety was on edge leaving my body feel shaken and uneasy just walking next to Ash. Ash? Where did that nickname come from? Ugh, I am not making my anxiety better. By the time we got to my car I noticed his car had not been parked far from mine so he easily got to his before he called me.

Pressing the accept button on my car it instantly went to speaker. "Alright, are you going to drive first then I'll follow listening to directions?"

"Sure." I bluntly spoke mentally hating myself for it. I am a human disaster.

After a good twenty minutes of giving directions over speaker phone we ended up there by eight to which my parents were either now starting dinner or wondering why the fuck my ass is not home yet. Parking in the driveway I saw Ashley's headlights from the corner of my eye possibly making them photogenic. I'd love to be photogenic. Jinxx told me I am. Never believed him and never will. Getting out of the car I noticed Ashley got out of his heading towards me. Did I mention he never meet my parents? Way back in middle, maybe, but that's six years ago.

We stood there a few seconds before I spoke up nervously. "Let's go, uh, let's go and see my parents. Hopefully they won't embarrass me in front of you." I mumbled the last part hoping he didn't hear it. Though knowing him he did.

"I don't think they'll embarrass you too much." He said keeping a close walking distance from me. "They can't be worse than my grandparents. The first-time Jake came over they showed him baby pictures." In my head, all I could imagine was baby Ashley with short hair and maybe a chubby face. Although his grandparents make the situation of meeting friends, girlfriends, or boyfriends awkward, mine knowing that I have a crush on Ashley-the boy I have right next to me-will make it completely horrible by speaking about said crush in a normal sentence.

Standing at the front door I took a deep breath letting my pale hand grip the handle pushing it open to be instantly called from two people.

"Andy?" Their voices simultaneously spoke out poking their heads towards the door. "Who did you bring with you? Is that Ashley Purdy you always get nervous about?" How many times have I wanted to collapse today? I have lost count at this point.

Sheepishly smiling over at Ashley I watched him attempting to halt himself from laughing with a hint of blush on his cheeks and smile before walking further inside to head into the kitchen to introduce himself to my parents. Instantly fear set at the bottom of my stomach.

Inching myself towards the frame I took notice how both my parents stood before while he stood there perfectly in all his glory. "Hi. You must be Mrs. And Mr. Biersack. I'm Ashley Purdy. It's nice to finally meet this lovely boy's parents." Ashley spoke out shaking their hands where as I used my hair to hide my growing blush.

My mother smiled. "It's such a relief to finally meet you. And please, call me Amy."

Thankfully my mom didn't speak out too much. However, my dad of course did. "Well I can now see why my son likes you. Plus, you're a polite boy and from what I've seen at footballs game a quarterback for varsity. Oh, don't use formalities with Amy and I. Call me Chris."

Listening to the conversation going on I eyed the picture of me from freshmen year tapped in a picture frame with a glass cover over it. I had to fight all the urge to break said glass and use to end my life here and now in front of the three. Though I don't think that would go over well at all. Deciding to walk into the kitchen they all stopped talking causing my mom to stare at me happily with a giant smile on her face.

"I'm guessing you two created plans for tonight? Hm?"

About to speak up, Ashley beat me to it. "We were going to hang out at my house if that is alright. I know it is a school night, but I thought it would be great to hang out with a wonderful boy."

"I'd say that would be fine with me and Chris. Right Chris?" Dad nodded with a smile on his face too. Just please do not say any other wild suggestion. "Even if he spent the night. He's going to be eighteen in December, so practically an adult. He always spends the nights over at CC's house half the time on school nights."

Does my own mother, who gave birth to me, not understand that Christian Mora is a brother to me not crush since sixth grade? Or she is setting me up for a relationship? It's defiantly the second one. However, my words had their own mind. "But mom it's a school night and-"

Her eyes stared at me. "Andy, it's Thursday. You don't work tomorrow or the weekend, plus you need to get out more and get to know Ashley." Oh yeah, she's wanting me to admit my love for him. "And I bet he would be fine with you going to his football game tomorrow."

Getting the potential to know Ashley better by spending the night, going to a football to even see him shirtless, and trying not scream out 'I've loved you since sixth grade' at the top of my lungs does not sound too bad. Instead of complaining as I would normal do, I smiled hugging both of my parents. If only they knew I was internally screaming.

Once thanking them both I led Ashley upstairs to my room to only hear gasp in amazement when entering my room. He walked inside to just stare at all the posters of bands, comics, and movies that lined my dark painted walls. He went over to the wall shelve to admire my Batman and Star Wars figures I've gotten over the years to only then gape at my Cd collection that appeared more like a pile in a corner of the room. I'm guessing he didn't expect my room to be like this.

"Dude, this is so amazing. If my walls weren't filled with posters of chicks, bands, and some football players and I'd loved Batman this much-I think it'd be almost a perfect mirror. Though not the mess."

I let a finger trail down my face. "Haha. Don't ask what happened in here. I don't know either." I decided to find that Vera Bradley bag I bought a year ago because I had been desperate for a travel bag. It's black of course meaning it blends in with every clothing item in here. Thankfully I found it under my bed and began to put all the essentials inside of it such as the oversize black sweeter I wore to sleep in, along with my Batman boxer shorts. Throwing in clothes for school, the supposed football game I'm now going too, and pretty much everything else I needed I nodded to myself trying to contain any growing fear that may be lurking. You are going to spend almost twenty-four hours with him Andrew. You'll be fine. Slinging the soft travel bag over my shoulders along with the smaller one I carried for work I turned around to Ashley with a smile indicating I was ready to go.

"Oh, when we get outside I have to get my book bag and some other items from my car." I told him walking out and down the steps to tell my parents we were ready to leave. After doing that we got outside to which Ashley decided to call his grandmother letting her know we will be there soon. I grabbed my book bag out of the car along with an extra pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and money I kept when going places. Locking the car again once out I found Ashley by his car waiting for me. I walked over placing the bags in the back seat beside the small I carried for work due it holding certain items I rather keep close. Soon enough after getting inside his car we started to drive off towards his house. A place I've wonder so many times about I was on the way too. I didn't know what will happen, meeting his grandparents, being in his-their house, more importantly being in his room. Now the more I think on it none of it seems real. Talk about life man. Getting more out on the road he turned on his car radio that also seemed to be connected to his phone. Steadily keeping his eyes on the road while eying what playlist to pick before settling for once and placing it on shuffle. The song that came made us both smile loudly. What happened next made it even better.

"I love Rebel Yell!" We spoke out loudly at the same time then to burst out in laughter. His left hand went up to face as he made a right-handed turn towards his house. "I knew we both loved rock, though never once had anyone admitted to loving it so much."

My blue eyes stared at him while he drove. "I did a cover of it years ago. Though with a band behind me it'd be better. Only being able to sing, play piano, and a little bit of bass does not quite make a good background as the band. But yes, I love this song. One of my favorites."

"I'd love to hear that cover at some point. Or even a live showing of it." I smiled running my tongue over my lip ring. I don't think my anxiety will agree with that one Ashley.

After a while awkward silence filled the car as we kept on driving. We weren't that far, but my creeping anxiety make it feel as a twenty-hour flight. I felt the anxiety creep felt as Death, clawing from the deep depths of fiery hell wanting to drag me down or drag me to the grave. Next to that it also feels like a void. An endless void filled of darkness I can't escape. My dark demons in that void will never leave me, they will push up the anxiety and depression to its full max until the void has fully suffocated me. Though I'd keep marching on, even if it means through hell with me singing our song until I finally lose it all to the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! For those searching around the web, this is PrincipeHayden from Wattpad with an ao3 account now! Thank you all for reading this story on here and I will update this at every chance I get. Thanks!


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